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The Modern Ten Commandments

by Michael Russell, 7 July 2001

The following is a re-write of the Ten Commandments to match modern life.

[1] I am your feelings, you shall have no other god before me.

[2] You shall buy and make whatever makes you feel good. The more possession you have, the better you will feel. Drugs, alcohol, power, and fame, shall be among your possessions to induce happiness.

[3] You shall find the name and teaching of the Lord to be offensive, for the precepts it teaches and the standards the Lord demands are hard.

[4] You shall work when you feel like it, for rest is happiness.

[5] You will only obey your parents when you feel like it. For they are old and know nothing. You will demand your rights from your parents without giving any regard to the work and effort they have given to raise you. And, when you are older, you will continue to bow to your parents, even after you have a spouse and children.

[6] You shall hate and destroy anyone who disagrees with you. Nay, you shall kill anyone who hurts your feelings.

[7] You shall have all kinds of sex whenever and wherever, for sex provides the ultimate feeling of happiness. The marriage vows are to be ignored, for they are old fashioned shackles that keep you from happiness. And, if you should become pregnant or with sickness, blame the partner, the protective devices, and society for causing you pain.

[8] You shall take that which is not yours. And, if there is resistence, you shall petition the government to take from those who have and give to you.

[9] You shall lie if it makes you feel good. Small lies to cheat another or to avoid paying what is due are to be praised. Lie to avoid the consequences of your actions, because you do not deserve them.

[10] You shall measure your own value based on your perceptions of others. If a man has more money than you, you shall feel hurt and offended.